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Pierce writes: "I know that I seem overly concerned with the extended farce going on in Arizona right now, but I am a little bit unsure of the qualifications of many of the people who are overseeing the counting of 2.1 million ballots from Maricopa County."

Trump supporters. (photo: Courtney Pedroza/Getty)
Trump supporters. (photo: Courtney Pedroza/Getty)


They're Hunting Satan Amongst the Ballots in the Election 'Audit' Out in Arizona

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

06 May 21


This farce has only gotten, and will only get, dumber.

know that I seem overly concerned with the extended farce going on in Arizona right now, but I am a little bit unsure of the qualifications of many of the people who are overseeing the counting of 2.1 million ballots from Maricopa County. Take, for instance, this gentleman who talked to Dennis Welch, the political editor at CBS5 in Phoenix. His name is John Brakey, and he is “investigating” “reports” that 40,000 ballots were flown into Arizona from “the southeast part of the world, you know, Asia.” Brakey is looking for telltale “bamboo” on the ballots, and I feel dumber just telling you this.

“The only way you can persuade people on changing is facts. We’re on a mission for facts.”

OK, right. Whatever.

The Arizona Republic has provided helpful thumbnails on some of the other “officials” with leading roles in the farce. Take, for example, one Liz Harris, a former Republican candidate for the state legislature who runs a “voter integrity” website called itsmellsfunny.com. (How she beat about 30 state fairs for that domain name must be a saga in itself.) Harris is hunting bigger game than tiny splinters of bamboo. Could it be…Satan?

In a live video on Monday, Harris said that she wanted to remind people that the audit was not about left versus right, but "good versus evil.” She held up a sign that said, "May Arizona be the first domino to fall," referring to the effort to prove voter fraud across the country. She told The Republic that Republicans, Democrats and independents are involved in her group. The effort "has nothing to do with 'Stop the Steal,'" she said.

And I am the tsar of all the Russias.

Harris claims to be working with a guy named Bobby Piton, who’s also “working the data” from Arizona. Piton was one of the local roadies for Rudy Giuliani’s post-election Idiots Over America tour last fall.

He joined Rudy Giuliani and others to present election concerns to a handful of Republican Arizona lawmakers at a downtown Phoenix hotel in late November. Piton, at that meeting, said that his opinion, from reviewing Arizona voter data, was that between 120,000 and 306,000 ballots were cast by “fake people.”

His method for coming to that conclusion involved creating an algorithm that separated Arizona voters into “five types of voters” based on gender and age and performing correlation tests. “It was absolutely mind-boggling what popped out,” he said during the November meeting.

Some minds are more easily boggled than others, I guess.

There also are the now-customary bounders and grifters associated with the ongoing farce. The organizers say they’ve got 200,000 of the 2.1 million ballots counted. This could take them well past their purported May 14 deadline. The audit runs into problems then, because the auditorium is booked for a number of the first in-person high school graduations in a year. From CBS5:

As for what that means for the audit's deadline, it's still up in the air. "We have to be away for a few days," says Senate audit liaison Ken Bennett. "We can come back after that for as long as we need.” With those words, Bennett is acknowledging that these graduation ceremonies are happening at the Coliseum. But that isn't going to stop the audit. "If we're not done, there are other parts of the Coliseum that we can move to temporarily and keep right on going if we have to," says Bennett.

Restrooms? Broom closets? Abandoned concession stands? The local school district doesn’t care as long as the ongoing farce gets out of the way.

Stephanie Parra, a governing board member of the Phoenix Union School District, remains adamant that those graduating will still get the experience they're expecting. "Our district has a long-standing contract in place with the Coliseum for graduations. This year, we will not allow the celebration of our students' achievements to be disrupted once again," says Parra.

So much for the bamboo hunters, chased off their "mission for facts" by a pack of valedictorians.

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