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writing for godot

Will I Use Marriage or Will Marriage Use Me?

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Friday, 03 January 2014 18:27
Is getting married really such an absurd strategy to deal with under-occupancy rules in my(somewhat) subsidized senior housing? My life was,and still is, quite ABSURD! For instance, I was laughed at when I was 8 years old when I answered a question at brownies about what my daily, weekely, monthly, etc., personal routine was. I thought everyone bathed weekly, as we did in my family, to save on water costs. Didn'y everyone use newspaper in place of tiolet paper, sometimes? I recall having to make calls (later we even went without a telephone) to cancel my 10th birthday party/sleep-over because there was no heat in our house. Due to the poverty of my childhood I was an outcast, an outsider, the other!

Now the isolation from my family is even more complete, because my own (older) brother told me: "You have enemies, Barbara!" When I asked Frank who my enemies were, he refused to answer me. Guess he is my enemuy, along with academics who banned me from criminal justice associations because "You make too many people uncomfortable." They wrote that to me and one letter was even sent receipt requested, registered mail!

Guess my ideas about how, instead of committing crime, crime commits us, are considered disruptive! You see, I believe practically everyone is without agency, and without intention. I believe that the family and then "the family of man" (society/civilization, etc.,) represses our agency, our human agency, and so we are left with only our "identity agency".

It's our identities that "commit" crime. Our various "identity agencies" :our race, our gender, our ethnicity, our religion, our class, etc., commits crime. Our identities then do our intending, indeed, our very living, for us and in place of our consciousness, and/or our HUMAN wills. So everyone is will-less. All we do is react. And most of us react to bullying, at least IMHO, that is.

Perhaps my repressive family is just the "tip of the iceberg" of my repression, though, because what if all of civilization, the family of man, represses me? I deal with this repression now with my imagination, with consciousness, with rejecting the seriousness of tradition, custom, ritual. I laugh at law, and all of "civilization".

I prefer RAW LIFE, even, or perhaps, especially my so called "dark side", even the darkest of dark humor, to a PROCESSED "civilized" family or (family of man) life now! I may even USE Marriage, the custom, the ritual the tradition of marriage in a practicaL sense, because I may choose to get married shortly, (within the next month) in order to qualify as having a spouse as my addition to my family. I need this additional family to satisfy under-occupancy house rules.

You see, I have been teaching at a university in Nanjing, China for many months and the costs to fly home (guess I need a kickstart, etc., campaign! lol) are prohibitive. I have been given 6 months permission by a medical doctor and that permission expires in the middle of February,2014, even though the medical doctor has requested that I remain in China continuously until the end of my contract (July 15, 2014, because employment here in China is part of my rehabilitation. He agrees thqat I need the structure of work and cannot find employment in the US.) However, this medical doctors' request for the extension of my absence under-occupancym etc., was refused, so unless I return home soon, I am subject to underoccupancy house rules. So, unless I get married, etc.,I could be evicted from my apartment even if I am up to date with rent.

By getting married,and having my spouse live in the residence, I hopefully, will qualify as having family and be able to bypass the underoccupancy rules. Stay tuned for the continuing REALITY SAGA of "Will Barbara become Mrs. Babala?"
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