Written by Tom Degan   

NOTE TO MINORITY READERS:
This posting is FOR WHITES ONLY. Nothing personal but there's a conversation to be had here and it doesn't concern you. If you're African American or Hispanic or Asian or Arab - SCRAM! Gail Collins wrote a particularly witty piece in today's New York Times about a town in North Dakota where the unemployment rate is at one percent. Go read that. You'll all be welcome back with open arms when I write my next piece. Now SCAT, ya hear?

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Okay, fellow Caucasians, now that we're alone, we need to have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. Four years ago America elected its first non-white president and - to be perfectly blunt with you - a lot of you folks have reacted to this new American reality a bit....Oh, how can I put this as delicately as possible....Well, let me put it to you this way: you're not taking it well, that's for damned sure! In fact since Inauguration day 2009, you've been in full-tilt, FREAK OUT mode. I mean, hell, judging by the overreaction of some people, you would think that the president and first lady were Charles Manson and Squeaky Fromme! A lot of white people are acting like this is the end of the world - and they're absolutely correct. We're coming to the end of the old world. Like it or not (and I kinda like it) we're about to enter a new world. Be brave. Grow up.

Now, let's all just take a deep breath....

My fellow crackers, someday in the not-too-distant future, we won't be in the majority anymore. In fact that day will come within the lifespan of most of you who are now reading this. I know this must be a bitter pill for some of you to swallow - but that's the way it is and there's nothing we can do to alter the unalterable . There has been such an insane, mass hissy-fit over the fact that, for the first time in history, a black family is living in the family quarters (as opposed to the servants quarters) of the White House. Honestly, we really need to get a grip here, folks.

OCCUPY THE "WHITE" HOUSE!

Within a couple of months of President Obama's moving into the Executive Mansion, a movement was formed by some of you knuckleheads for no other reason than to counter this major, sociological shift in the American political landscape. I'm referring to the so called "Tea Party" mob. You know who you are! Your reaction to this moderate administration (referring to it as "socialist" for instance) has teetered between the absurd and the comical. Well, I've got good news and bad news for you....

THE GOOD NEWS: Your reaction to this administration's very existence has been so insanely stupid, I fear it will be another generation or so before reasonable people dare to elect another person of color to the presidency.

THE BAD NEWS: By the end of this century - maybe even half-way into this century - a lily-white chief executive will be as rare as an 8-Track tape player in a Chevy Volt.

White America, we need to come to terms with the future. We've got to stop living in this silly state of denial. What are we so afraid of? Why are we so paranoid? We have nothing to fear. Absolutely nothing! It's not like we spent the last four-hundred years being anything but benevolent and humanitarian keepers to our black brothers and sisters....

Let me rephrase that....

We should not expect them to be as cruel and as stupid as most of us were for all of the centuries we ran things. And besides, at least we never tried to deny them full participation in our democracy! And it's not as if we refused them the opportunity for a good and decent education....

Oh dear....

"Someday there will be an all-black judge and an all-black jury and then....'Shit! There all black! HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA GET A FAIR SHAKE WITH AN ALL-BLACK JURY???' You're not. Ha! Ha! There's gonna be alotta dues, Jim!"

-Lenny Bruce

Oh, the sun shines bright on mah ol' Kentucky home
'Tis summer and the honkies are gay....

I was just kidding. Lenny was just kidding, too. The thing is, some of us have a little more faith in the essential humanity of our darker skinned siblings than some of you do. Not to worry; you'll find out what I'm talking about soon enough. In a couple of decades the Great White Father of old will be showing us the menu and busing our tables. That indeed is something to look forward to. Mah! Mah! The ol' plantation sho' has changed!

God gave Noah the rainbow sign
No more water
The fire next time

-James Baldwin

It's sad that people who are not white need to wait until they are no longer "minorities" in order to receive equal protection under the law (At present they don't have that protection - and you're kidding yourselves if you think that they do. Just look at the prison population). But as long as they have waited, I don't think they'll have to wait much longer. As uncle Bobby said, "The old world is rapidly fading. Please get out of the new one if you can't lend a hand". Or as Sam Cooke sang nearly fifty years ago, "a change is gonna come". Sam didn't live to see that change. Bob Dylan probably will live to see it. In fact, we're damned-near there. We have no other choice but to accept it. The history of the next century will primarily be the story of how well (or badly) white America dealt with that inevitable change. Deal with it well, my friends. History will smile upon you.

Aw, c'mon, cheer up! It won't be so bad, I promise!

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Tom Degan