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writing for godot

The Troll and the Village Square

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Written by Paul Klinkman   
Monday, 29 February 2016 14:48
In a land not so far away, an evil baron, outraged against a rebellious village within his realm, summoned a troll unto this world. --

So what exactly is a troll? You’ve heard the term, but have you ever seen a troll up close? Actually, you have. You might expect it to look loathsome, and in truth the troll is among the vilest creatures ever to walk this earth, but a troll doesn’t look loathsome at all, at least not at first. It can look just a little bit like your Uncle Henry. It can look a bit like a doctor, like a housewife, like a town curmudgeon or even like a guard at the village gate. That’s the scary part. Or, it can instantly morph into a flaming pig with a forked-tongue whenever it chooses.

Somehow, and too often we don’t understand the how or why, the troll can polymorph itself, so that a single troll can look just a bit like an Uncle Henry type having a friendly discussion with some doctor. No, not your real Uncle Henry and not a real doctor, more like a nice trader or two who might be traveling through your village. And then the same troll can become an entire crowd, all shouting its agreement to the troll’s first voice, drowning out anyone else’s voice.

And so it was. A plethora of familiar-looking strangers gradually made themselves heard in the village square, taking up the choicest places to talk, talking the loudest and then picking on the village’s true leaders. People saw glimpses of evil and tried to kill the troll when it arrayed itself in its most horrendous forms. This tactic just didn’t work because the troll was much too quick. People tried to bar the troll from getting in at the village gate. That failed also. The troll continued to prowl the village square, striking up friendly conversations with all of the people, except the friendly conversations always turned sinister. Soon the village square is empty. Faraway travelers came to the square and it was empty except for the disguised troll, so they left. Then, day after day, the village square remained empty, and soon the village was no longer a rebellious place at all.

Finally the troll returned to the evil baron and asked the baron for its little tiny reward, but that story shall wait for another day.

And now I address the wizards among you: how are we going to stop the trolls? We have the Koch brothers’ paid troll, we have the nuclear industry’s troll, be have big pharma’s pro-vaccination troll and we have an anti-Palestinian troll. The world’s supply of paid trolls seems to be multiplying. Here are my thoughts:

1. Identify every one of the townspeople.

The townspeople are all regular, long-time contributors. They listen to other people’s views and don’t condemn all the time. They speak up. They vote regularly. Most of all, other townspeople know them and like them.

We need a mechanical rating system based on avatars who consistently show up, who are wide-read and not narrow, who vote widely and not on a narrow range of subjects, who don’t all vote at exactly the same times for the same messages, and who especially write well-meaning comments (albeit of various quality).

We need an open door policy where new avatars who follow these rules are able to rise to the rank of villager. Some people need their secrecy, so secret avatars are still allowed. By their actions we shall know them.

2. Arm the townsfolk.

Villagers need the right to vote down troll comments and to vote up reasonable comments by strangers.

Troll comments will typically be voted down far below zero, to the point where only the town leaders are able to see the troll comments.

Outsiders and trolls can vote too, but their votes are seriously underweighted. One townsperson’s vote should outweigh 100 troll or outsider votes. Given one million stuffed outsider votes and nine townspeople’s votes, the outsider votes should only count for a maximum of 10% of any comment’s rating. We don’t mind trolls voting because sometimes rigged voting patterns are precisely what gives them away.

When a rank outsider (or possibly a troll) makes a comment, their rank is zero. Start them off with five pseudovotes of zero. If townspeople want to vote them up, add the new votes to the first five votes. After maybe ten real votes for the comment are in, phase out the pseudovotes.

3. Continue to take the non-troll strangers into your hearts.

Unknown strangers, if you find that they aren’t paid trolls, have the right to become your friends and your equals. So, don’t ever lock the strangers out completely.

Every rank outsider comment can at first be viewed only by vetted townsfolk (and by that outsider herself). As the comment is progressively voted up, strangers of progressively lower rank can see it. Every comment below a certain ranking simply can’t be seen by the lower ranking strangers and townsfolk. And so, brand new strangers of good heart can submit comments and everyone can appreciate these comments.

As strangers grow in credibility, their votes count for more.

So, would some wizard like to construct a strong-knit and troll-resistant online commenting community?
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